A Portrait of the Superhero as a Young Man

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 02:26:50 GMT

THREE VERY IMPORTANT THINGS I HAVE TO POINT OUT

(1) Watch out road, here I come!

(2) I am no longer 5'5", I am indeed 5'6". This is very upsetting to me, as I no longer get to make the obvious AP scores / Dominoes jokes to reference a height with a lot of 5s in it.

(3) In all seriousness, I really shouldn't be allowed to talk to other people.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:50:20 GMT

You know you've got a good life when your biggest problem is deciding whether to watch Family Guy or High School Musical at 9:00.

I found this essay saved on my computer:

One time there was a guy named Charles Darwin. He decided to sail around the world to prove it was round but accidentally landed on an island where he met some bird people (this was depicted in the popular movie ‘King Kong’ with some minor hyperbole usage). Then a thousand years later he came back, and the bird people looked different. They did this to ADOPT their surroundings. I prefer foster homes over adoption, but Darwin thought otherwise. Then he wrote it down and called it evolution.

Evolution is made up of Jeans. Jeans can be expensive sometimes, but if you go to the write store you might be able to get a good deal. Personally, I like going to Savers since it’s cheap there but it’s like 15 minutes away. Maybe because it was so far away the Bird People took so long to adopt. Whatever the case may be, Jeans are note to be confused with Gene Simmons of KISS. KISS is not to be confused with Kisses on Valentine’s Day. :)

But what does evolution teach us about human beings? It teaches us that The Gap has more evolution than Old Navy. For example, since the Jeans at The Gap costs more, only the rich people will be able to buy them. And adoption agencies nowadays only let you buy children if you’re really rich, so you can only adopt and thus be evolutioned if you can afford The Gap. Old Navy Jeans is cheaper but is made of less good material so it has less evolution.

Then I wrote like 5 more paragraphs but by that point it manages to, somehow, get even more incomprehensible. Why was this saved on my computer? I have no idea, but if someone hands it in to a science teacher for an assignment I will give you 15 dollars!

(I'm gonna go with Family Guy by the way because, I mean really, the alternative option would give me a vagina and we all know it)

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 03:33:53 GMT

I wonder how many times I can use the word "existential" before somebody calls me out on not knowing what it means.

Should that occasion ever arise, I plan on merely responding, "Well excuse ME for not limiting myself to the existential boundaries of the percieved connotations of the modern day English vocabulary."

And on the off chance they call me out on talking jibberish get again, I'll merely punch 'em and run. And so shall begin my life on the lamb. (See Figure 1.0)

Figure 1.0

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 02:54:47 GMT

Today I watched The Cable Guy and ordered some pizza. This led to a rather interesting ordeal when the pizza guy arrived and I briefly pondered whether he would be a lisping Canadian with an underbite who would stalk me and everyone I love. But, of course, life did not imititate art, and he was just your everyday pizza guy, complete with the apathy and self-loathing.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 05:21:16 GMT

Well I thought it was funny!

Okay friends, you're turn, please make 3-years-difference transformation pictures of yourself, go!

Assorted Paragraphs That Start With "I'm"

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 19:07:09 GMT

I'm depressed that two of my best friends are going to be leaving in a few weeks.

I'm in desperate need of a job. Well, more specifically, I'm in desperate need of the money accompanying a job. Unfortunately, time spent working would cut into time spent watching primetime network television and my procrastinating of summer assignments. Quite the perplexing conundrum...

I'm contemplating digging a very deep hole in my backyard. I need a new side project, and I've always enjoyed digging at the beach... I don't see why a backyard should be any different. Maybe I can dig an underground tunnel somewhere... Jon Furniss's house, I'm looking at you!!

I'm satisfied with the ending of Harry Potter, though in true Ryan Ronan fashion I have my share of criticisms.

I'm not as sunburnt as I should be, and I'm kind of dissapointed to be compeletely honest. Sure sunburn is not the most pleasant of things, but a summer without sunburn... it would be like a Christmas without the annoying relatives, or a prostitute without the STD, or even a Democratic Party without Hillary Clinton. Sure it sounds good and ideal, but really without the little annoyances in life it all becomes rather empty.

I'm done with this entry.

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 03:54:16 GMT

OK I think I'll try and update regularly again maybe. I'd firstly like to apologize for being a pompous, arrogant asshole the majority of Junior Year. I've decided I no longer hate everyone in the universe and I might even... dare I say... like some of you! I know what you're thinking though, and yes the answer is I do still hate Paige. Rest assured, Ryan Ronan isn't a complete softy just yet!

George Carlin once asked why there was no blue food, but I'm personally far more curious as to why there is no blue ice cream. They make blue italian ices and those are pretty tasty! One would think they'd have pretty much standardized the flavors for all frozen treats by now.

This is officially the summer of me not being Ryan. Instead of being ghostly pale I am getting color and am now a nice shade of off-white! Instead of staying inside all day frantically playing video games I now sometimes reluctantly leave the house and make people think I enjoy hanging out with them while secretely thinking about going back home and frantically playing video games! Also I now carry around a small pocket notebook (the four letters n-o-t-e being essential in my not-being-a-woman).

I've got a new camera itching to make it's first YouTube! Any takers??

Driver's Ed is fun. I've only almost run over like two kids, and the number of times I have almost killed myself and everyone else in the car in a fiery crash is only in the double digits! Also Bobby Barsch is in my lecture class, so naturally life is bliss.

I have roughly 2,000 pages of Harry Potter left to read by next Saturday. In the immortal words of the great philosopher Scooby Doo: "Ruh Roh!"

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 23:36:00 GMT

I'm a man of tradition. Sure, I am also a man of good looks, a man of exceptional intellect, and a man of wax. But most importantly, I am a man of tradition. So, for the third year in a row, I'm going to somewhat sentimentally recap the past few months of our lives by poorly referencing inside jokes that only one person will get. Hopefully, each time it'll be a different person though, so each reader will only be confused 99% of this entry instead of a full 100%.

I predicted the theme of this year would be "Sophomore Year Part II" but I think in reality it was more "Oh God, AP Chem!!!!!!" Since, if you were not one of the elite eleven in that class for two periods every day, surely you at least heard us whine about it for about two periods every day (if not more). The ice cream lab sure was delicious though, eh?

Or maybe the theme this year was "Oh God, ACL Pre-Calc!!!!!!" I've never seen a single subject knock out so many students so quickly. It's kind of impressive in a way. We had our asses handed to us by logaraithms and completing the square. We became trigonometry's bitch. Few survived, and those who did wore battle scars proudly on their pocketed TI-89s and report cards. And God bless us for it.

No, actually, I think it's safe to say the theme this year was actually "Okay guys, boggle day!" The meaning of Boggle Day was a little different for everyone. Whether it was synonymous with pictionary, Jeopardy!, talking, frantic pre-calc studying, or (on very rare instances) actually Boggle is different for everyone!

But seriously folks, AP English was infamously titled AP Kindergarten by one Sean Brennan for a reason, and I don't think we entirely appreciated what we had. For the first three months or so we did more arts and crafts than we had in years... we were one art box and cubby away from elementary school and life was damn good.

And then there were those lucky enough to have taken on ACL Physics. We all had different opinions of Mr. Miller on that first day of school. Oh who are we kidding, we all thought this nervously pacing madman was putting on some sort of act. But no, this fine gentleman was the real deal, ridiculing everything from government teachers to dirt science and submarine biology and creative pancakes. The unlikely alliance of Quark and Socks arose and was unstoppable, even as a certain senior stared eerily at the lunch menu in the middle of class or as another certain senior had trouble grasping the basic concepts behind algebra. And it was a grand old class.

This was largely a year of starting new traditions. I decided to start a tradition of actually liking being in the musical (two years too late). Potato, Shannon, and I (with later accompaniment by Jamie, Dan, and even Diana) started the tradition of Wacky Wednesday, destroying everything from ice cream containers to the sanity of local CVS workers in the process. And then there was the tradition of Friendly's after AP American Saturday Review... even though I didn't quite take AP American nor did many of our gang's Friendly's sessions even take place after AP American Saturday Review (one didn't even quite involve Friendly's). But hey, we meet Jeff (bathroom attendent and Middle-Earth adventurer/hobbit) so it wasn't a complete loss.

As we close each year, the looming threat of college grows increasingly more realistic. Last year it just kidnapped Jon Furniss, but this time the list of victims that it will claim in the next few months is seemingly endless. Knowing we'll never see a large majority of these knuckleheads is utterly disheartening not just because we like them, but because in no less than 365 days that group of knuckleheads will be us.

Only one more year left of mindless tomfoolery and giggling about the notion of IHOP pancakes expanding in ones stomach and similar conspiracies.

Let's make the best of it, ok gang?

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 22:50:01 GMT

What better way to celebrate no school by looking at stuff that happened in school!

Not actually last day of school. Shhh!!!

While not quite equivalent to Ebert and Roeper, the Ronan and Chan two-thumbs-up compliment is still a prize to be valued.

Chris Schaaf took this picture after he refused to be in one.

R Dubbs, Jailbird, and a lot of blur!

AP Government love. (lol oxymoron)

Kat was very surprised by my approval!

Just two lovers who wore the exact same shirts the last day of school the year before. NOTE: One of these two lovers also wore the exact same shirt the last day of school the last TWO years. NOTE: That lover also forgot my birthday. NOTE: Also she's a dingus :-X

Sanjay thinks he's above cliche pictures, but is there ANYTHING more cliche than the old taking-a-picture-through-another-camera? Soon he'll be taking shadow shots and he knows it.

Just goin' bowling...

My favorite girl that hates my guts.

Bunny ears is somehow less effective when (1) the picture is taken from behind, (2) the ears come from the neck.

Who needs the natural logarithm when we've got each other!

Does it count as a last-day-of-school pic if it's taken at 2:45???

SPOILER ALERT: Don't click the below link if you are one day going to be an ACL Physics kid!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qkOGqHtZK8

who's in the target car?

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 05:32:19 GMT

"Where are you going?"
"Uh... the bowling alley."
"No, where are you going to college?"
"Oh! ...the bowling alley!"

I can count on one hand the number of times I've ever made an entry even remotely serious, and on even less hands the number of times I've made a positive entry about my experiences with the musical. But every now and then, I think it's time to change things up.

Ladies and gentlemen of Les Miserables, as much as I complained along the way, I did enjoy myself this year thank you very much. Sure, it lacked Wade, Jon Furniss, and... multiple endings. But I had a ball. (not the one we saw on the way to the bowling alley though)

While last year I only really talked to two or three of the seniors that were leaving, this year I've had at least a few chuckles with pretty much every senior (most notably Potato, with whom I've shared closer to a few thousand chuckles with over these past few years).

Also it was neat making a bunch new friends this year, ok?

It's cool that I went from not even wanting to audition in 10th Grade after a spectaculatorly mediocre freshman year experience with the musical to now anticipating it a great deal and actually being, dare I say, a bit depressed it's coming to a close.

I could save this somewhat boring entry by at least referencing some inside jokes, though being drama nerds we've already killed most of them. And God bless us for it.

Why I Am Not Ready For College: An Essay

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 04:07:41 GMT

It has come to my attention that society is expecting me to actually grow up sometime within these next eighteen months. While I forever knew this expectation was coming, it never actually dawned on me that I, for once, could not procrastinate myself out of this rather sticky situation. Surprisingly, this expectation is more proof that society is relenetlessly foolish and far too objective than it is proof that I should mature out of drawing cartoonish chickens.

Society's expecations should work subjectively, or so I'd like to argue. We can only judge a person ready for college and eventual adulthood on a case-by-case basis. I think I'd like that a great deal. Post graduation, one is subjected to an analysis by some Bureau of Adulthood. American bureaucracy has far too many pointless jobs and wasted funds as it is. This new agency surely wouldn't make much of a blip in the radar. Upon filling out lengthy paperwork and conducting mind-numbingly terrifying interviews, one is judged as either ready to grow up or sentenced to another year of high school thus invalidating their very graduation but saving the world from someone who just ain't ready to be an adult.

I shall use myself as an example. I spend my free time ridiculing people named Sanjaya and discussing with any (and all) close acquaintances whether Batman is a superhero or cop in a cape. Is it fair to assume that in 18 months I will automically upgrade to a sophisticated, mature businessman who reads the paper, smokes a pipe, and actually starts projects BEFORE midnight on the eve of the assignment's due date. With the addition of this Burea of Adulthood, I would be sentenced to approximately 30 more years of high school. By then I will gradually grow into something deemed, dare I say, mildly acceptable by the older generation. Until then, it'd be like putting pomegranate juice in a carton with orange fruits on it. If you know what I mean...

The economic ramifications of this system would be numerous. While the workforce would be significantly reduced as each coming generation would contribute less to the "adult" side of the equation, I'm pretty sure we could balance this out by just banning the procreation of anyone with an IQ below 120. See, now we're solving overpopulation too! Furthermore, though clearly diminished in quantity this new workforce would be far superior in quality and consist of only mature, sophistimicated adults who have no time for this silly "playing" nonsense! Their pipes would form manly, grown-up tobacco smoke rings, not happy little soap bubbles!

Then again, this creates a paradox of sorts. Without immaturity and ignorance in the higher levels of our society, we lack the force behind life's greatest joys: toys, cartoons, zombie movies, reality televion, the Republican Party. Is that a life worth living?

This is where I make my profound concluding statement that solves the paradox and offers a solution to all of our problems! Unfortunately, this requires a complex level of thinking that I do not possess because I'm too busy giggling at Ask A Ninja Youtube videos. And that, my friends, is precisely why I am not ready for college.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:04:27 GMT

Pearl Jam's "Last Kiss" is the most depressing song in the world. If you ever have an emergency need to be dehydrated, download that song and you'll lose 50% of the water in your body from sobbing hysterically.

I went to Friendly's today and the following stuff happened:
-They don't make Gardenburgers there anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-What appeared to be an (adorable) date between two youngins that were probably 8 years older or younger.
-They don't make Gardenburgers there anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-We later discovered the Dads of this adorable 8 year old couple a few tables over watching and smiling aww
-They don't make Gardenburgers there anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously though, how much room does it take to store a couple dozen Gardenburgers in the freezer for the vegetarians in Levittown who maybe want to go to Friendly's every now and then? All three of us!

The Backstreet Boys mystery deepens, folks! I asked my sisters, and they don't recall any BSB assembly in their tenure at Division! Between the two of them they were there for Mr. Miller's entire first six or seven years teaching there, so clearly either he's a liar about it "happening in [his] first year or so" or my sisters didn't really go to Division. Either way, we've got a conspiracy on our hands. (quick wash it off!)

These have been a pretty rotten 24 hours or so, and if your name is Sami I've told you every unpleasant event as it it's happened. If your name is not Sami the only reason I haven't whined to you yet is probably because you were away most of the day! Fear not though, I'll pout to you eventually!!!!

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 04:09:22 GMT

Tomorrow is the Prison Break season finale and a new 24 episode that will probably steal some more plotlines from previous seasons. Also I think I will maybe watch the first two Spider-Man movies. Anyone who wants to come over and join me in any or all of these events is more than welcome, though you should be warned I'll probably make you walk to Dunkin Donuts with me even if I promise not to beforehand. Seriously, anyone within a 400 foot radius of me tomorrow is accompanying me for some Coolatta buying and that's that.

As I was discussing today with Nancy, it's amazing how much of a difference tacking a 'b' onto the end of super completely changes the tone of the word. It ups the sophistication about 500,000%. Imagine if this worked in every scenario: a suffixed b exponentially increases sophistication. On a casual afternoon? "Hi I'm Ryan Ronan." In a business meeting? "Hi I'm Ryanb Ronanb." It's hard to pronounce I guess, but think of how cultured we'll feel, folks!

It's really, really, sad that right now the thing most preoccupying my mind is how I want to add someone to my Top 12 on my Myspace and am unsure who to cut. More news on that front as it breaks. (breaking news?! omg, someone tape it back together!!!!)

40 years from now my AIM screen name will still be mancalamania. I will still use size 8 bolded dark green Times New Roman font. I will still use the away message "being creative" far too often. I'll still be maintaining increasinly lame updates on this journal. The only possible way these predictions won't come true is if I am dead or The Internet finally get's sick of me and pushes me off once and for all. But either way, I'm clinging on for dear life / dear internet connection.

I pronounce it "vayse" thank you very much. If you say "vahs" you're not fancy (nor even fancyb), you're just stupid.

Ten Reasons You Should See Taylor Hicks With Me

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 03:20:26 GMT

The gray haired blue eyed soul is playing a concert at Westbury Saturday, April 7th. And you, yes YOU, are going to go with me. Not sure? I've got 10 reasons why you should:

1. He's a damn good singer with some damn catchy songs
2. People have fun at concerts they go to with me!
3. It's the perfect way to close out Spring Break
4. Gray hair is better than no hair
5. We'll make a YouTube adventure out of it!!
6. Dinner on me beforehand!
7. And by dinner on me, I mean that literally. I will bathe myself in a food product of your choice.
8. We'll have an opportunity to get closer!
9. Just think of all the inside jokes we'll gather and then annoy the hell out of people with when we reference them on a continuos basis!
10. Psh, what else are you gonna do on a Saturday night?!

So I ask of you, nay... IMPLORE you, to do something crazy and go to this concert with me! Life is all about risks! Well this my friend, is like the ultimate Risk: The Game of World Domination. In the words of the great philosopher Ms. Frizzle "take chances, make mistakes, get messy!" Whether we're friends at the moment or not, whether you like Taylor Hicks or not, whether you work at a bus station or not, this is a concert you WON'T regret going to.

And you can take that to the bank! (unless of course we're referring to the National Bank and your name is Andrew Jackson!) (h i s t o r y h u m o r)

bong hits 4 jesus

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 04:07:23 GMT

It is 11:58, and I am not remotely tired. Or perhaps I am merely telling myself that since I've still got about an hour's worth of studying to do and have to get up early tomorrow! Either way, though, I am sitting here listening to the stylings of a Mr. Axl Rose, writing this journal entry, and making a birthday card for a Ms. Tina Graziose. I'd officially wish you happy birthday now, but it's still 11:59 PM on March 21st, so that wouldn't really be appropriate.

Okay it's midnight now and I just sent you a text message. Somehow I got a paper cut in the process... don't ask. Just know that I resent you for it.

Hawaiian Punch is pretty good, right guys? Yeah I thought so. I've went through about seven moles of cups of it in the past week. Red teeth? Possibly. But hey it gives me that sexy vampire look. Ladies, I know you love it.

Fuck you Sanjaya. Not Sanjay. Three A's folks. Fuck the one with three A's. Figuratively speaking, of course.

I need to go put ice on my paper cut [>:(] or something, bye!

Viva Voce does not fuck around

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 01:57:10 GMT

Just an innocent advertising poster on the El Eye Arrr Arrrr.

Or is it?!?!?

;-)

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story The Tale of The Concert (no, not that one).

'Twas a February evening when the whole kit and kaboodle began. I had come back to my computer to find no less than six million instant messages from my dear friend Tina. No, not Tina Turner! This is a Tina you might better known as Ninelle Myers-Dessler. Probably not though, since I think she likes to go by Tina.

In any case, this kickass girl that we all happen to know, IMed me frantically that February evening to inform me of a very important event occuring on March 14th. I know what you're thinking. "Ryan I thought this was about a concert, not about Pi Day! I mean yes, it's a marvelous holiday and all, but what about The Shins?!" Actually, my friends, March 14th happened to be the home of both messy pie eating AND awesome music playing.

Immediately a decision was made to go to this concert. I figured third-to-last-row wasn't impressive enough back at the Kelly Clarkson. No sir, we strive for perfection in my business. We went all the way back to second-to-last row this time around, folks.

So, after a few potential road blocks were overcomed (overcame?), on March 14th Ryan Ronan and Tina Graziose ventured into the big city. Naturally, we participated in all big city activities including train riding, grafittiing, getting a little lost in Penn Station, harassing vendors to tell us the location of Madison Square Garden (we didn't need to resort to Jack Bauer interrogation methods, thankfully), and of course hobo wrestling.

But hey, we found it. And we bought some shirts. And we sat down. In Row Zero. Row Zero was not nearly as lowly as it sounded. In fact, it vaguely resembled Row A. Unfortunately for us, Row A was in fact synonymous with Row Zero, and our tickets in actuality placed us in neither. Upon relocating to Row O as in Oscar (right behind Row N as in Nancy) we were excited for The Concert To End All Concerts.

Then some wacky duo started playing. No, not these guys, but also not much better. They went by the name Viva Voce (not Loce as I apparantly told pretty much everyone). Curiously enough, they did not fuck around. My bad, fock around. They were actually very clear to get this point across. They simply did not fock around.

So then some time passed and people actually started showing up and magic happened. The Shins. Ha, you're hilarious for that mental The Ankles or The Calves or The GenericLegParts joke you're making. No really, absolutely fucking hilarious.

I took some video but my ADD prevented me from taking more than 40 seconds of any particular song. And while I could probably edit together a few of them and make one happy YouTube, I'm afraid the videos also happen to be as blurry as those Geico caveman commercials are annoyin. Them's the brakes in Row Zero. No worries though, someone blessed with either a better camera or a better seat, and more importantly a better attention span, video'd some stuff. Unfortunately I'm too lazy to go search for it on YouTube! So take that!!!!

And overall, it was a fucking blast. So fun in fact, that Tina and I filmed a little YouTube of our own on the way back. No wait, she was too lame for that. Instead I sang Sally the Camel and a great train ride home was had by all.

We learned a lot about ourselves on this trip. I happen to be terrible at handing tickets to ticket biters properly. Tina happens to be terrible at navigating places she's been to twice in the past year. And we both happen to be terrible at guessing the first and last songs of sets. If only all introspection were this positive...

But seriously folks, Viva Voce did not fuck around.

I need a pair of sunglasses

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:15:38 GMT

I want the ability to stare at people long enough to see the inner machinations of their mind and soul. I also don't really want to be noticed. While I originally was going to opt for invisibility as a potential solution to this, I figured shades would be cheaper and also give me a little extra 'zip'.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 02:02:22 GMT

My hair is too long >:(

The Board Game Wish Entry

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 04:34:12 GMT

I wish some awesome cheese company came out with blocks of cheese in the shape of the Perfection pieces. Seriously, this idea is the best I've had since edible crayons. The cheese would be shaped to fit the Perfection board, toothpicks attached as those little yellow sticks, and we'd get a nice cheesy treat in addition to frantic mayhem and anxiety attacks disguised as a fun board game for young children. C'mon, they look enough like cheese anyway. I know you've all thought it!

I wish I was better in Boggle. It's always dissapointing whenever we play in English. While I admittedly tend to do relatively well, Stotsky has consistently beaten me every time we've played. And everytime he expects me to do a lot better than I do. He chuckles when getting a big word like "penguining" and mutters "oh ho ryan you'd better not get THIS word!!!" Don't get me wrong, I TRY to find what I think this SUPER word is, but generally my response of 'THAT' or 'DOTS' is not precisely the clever word Stotsky found, nor is it nearly as impressive.

I wish real life surgery was more like Operation. Hospitals would be like mini carnivals, with buzzers sounding every which way, red noses brightening up like Christmas lights, and doctors chuckling over a fun game rather than focusing on uber serious operations.

I wish people could play by the same rules in Monopoly. That's always a great feeling, playing Monopoly with a new group of people for the first time. You're mozeying along in the middle of a game, happily gathering your properties, until some poor, unfortunate, isolated soul tries to auction off unsold property. Besides the perplexion of half the players, the ensuing pandemonium in this largely unprecedented rule abiding is utterly terrifying. And don't even get me started on the Free Parking debacle that we've all faced! Since when does parking without paying entitle one to stealing a small fortune???

I wish I knew how to play Mancala. :-X

I wish someone would play me in Scrabble. No you fools, not Literati, that's for losers. I need a good ol' fashioned, high stakes, real life Scrabble game, and I need it soon. Ideally, we would actually play the game, rather than gigglingly spell out words like 'Borat' and 'Crabs' on the floor *cough, cough*.

I wish Walbaums/Walgreens/Walmart/Walface would stop stocking Trump: The Game and start stocking Vitamin Water: The Delicious Treat.

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 04:20:24 GMT

I'm going to take a life lesson from George Costanza starting tomorrow. I'm just going to do the opposite of whatever my instincts and any sense of logic I have tells me to do. This is a desperate measure called for under only extremely desperate circumstances. But I really think if I did the antithesis of what I've been doing these past 16.75 years, then maybe I'd be doing something else tonight other than sipping hot chocolate and pondering where my other skeleton glove went. Something that might even, dare I say, be moderately productive!

This is gonna be a long week. Possibly (nay... even PROBABLY) fun, week. I know what you're thinking: a correlation between long and fun? Where have I heard that before????

I told Taryn I was going to do something by the end of the month to spite her. Thus, this paragraph will serve as a reminder for me to work on that when I'm narcissistically re-reading and laughing at my own journal entries in a week or so.

"we're all out of jeff"

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 22:35:07 GMT

March has been officially dubbed the Month of the Stuff by pretty much everyone. I'd like to think we're all officially excited for all this Stuff (capital 'S', and don't forget it) though I'm sure there's plenty of dread for parts of it too. Perhaps if we close our eyes and wish really, really, REALLY hard, the Month of the Stuff will simultaneously be the Month of the Awesome.

But even if the Month of the Stuff ends up being frantic pandemonium (which is looking like an increasingly more likely occurrence), there's at least one aspect that can't go wrong.

Fuck yeah.

In other news, I think 7 AM Friday to 11 PM Saturday could've been some of the funniest 40 hours of my life. And, for once, Joe Park wasn't the sole reason for that hilarity. Emphasis on the 'sole' part, folks. [insert lame shoe sole or maybe spiritual soul pun here]

I'm in the mood for Christmas again. March 25th anyone? Excellent, see ya then!

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 23:22:46 GMT

How ya doin' folks? We got a great show for you tonight, so stick around!

My break was pretty dull, particularly in comparison to the awesomeness that was Christmas Break, but it got better towards the end. But enough about me, let's talk about you!

Or actually, better yet, let's keep talking about me.

I think I'll start answering the phone "RONAN!" This is in the style of the great Jack Bauer who frantically answers his cellular device with a trademark "BAUER!" It may be a jarring transition at first, but I have faith that you guys can grow used to it.

I have a terrible habit of looking around my computer desk for things to right LiveJournal entries about. It's how you've ended up with about 17 entries concerning The Sims, and why I'm about 2 seconds away from writing several paragraphs about Goldfish (the snack that smiles back!).

Ah screw it, you're getting those paragraphs anyway.

I was never a big fan of when they added the smile to the crackers. And while I'm glad they eventually made a transition to only half the crackers having that obnoxious smile, I miss the good ol' days of nice big poofy goldfish. What kind of statement does it make about our society that only the really thin, skinny crackers have the smile anyway? it's a sick world folks.

And what kind of fucked up shit (strong words for a strong situation, folks) happened when they briefly made COLORED goldfish? No sir, I don't like it. They tasted disgusting, and God Damnit I like my crackers orange (or in the case of Saltines maybe an off-white tannish color... Saltine would actually be a good color for a crayon) not green purple or red!!! Well, all colors did get representation, so at least the Goldfish company wasn't racist in addition to being weightist.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 04:44:12 GMT

I'm kind of bummed, to be completely honest. Aside from a handful of highlights where I actually interacted with the 3-dimensional world, the vacation so far has largely consisted of incredibly dissapointing episodes of some formerly great TV shows and a whole lot of DVD watching on my part. Also I think I kind of annoyed those few non-television characters I interacted with... whoops! For a few hours I thought some exciting stuff was happening tonight, but that turned out to be a bust too. Oh well.

But I think most people are enjoying this break though, and I guess that's all that counts!

In other news, here's how one of my white iPod earphones turned pink. Well I was walking with a dragonfruit (they were unfortunately out of dragonmeat) Vitamin Water in hand and listening to the stylings of a Mr. James Mercer and crew and well... let's just say my new slang really was rocking out to the noticing of the stripes... or whatever, and POP went the earphone and PLOP went the Vitamin Water and GENERIC_ONOMOTOPEOIA there was some weird mixture of the two substances like never before. So yeah. I've got myself one white earphone (earbud? earwig? whatever) and one pink one.

The situation was made slightly more embarassing since it occured on Hempstead Turnpike in front of approximately... 5 million people. Boy was my face red!!!! (not as red as the earphone though!!!!!!!!)

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 21:36:37 GMT

Both Valentine's Day and Yellow Heart Day have both come and gone, and up comes the biggest holiday of the year: Amazing Race All-Stars Premiere Day!

I've decided, I officially dislike each and every one of you in your own special way. This is not a product of narcissism and arrogance as most of you are probably thinking (especially after my now infamous college quip Friday), but a true assesment of the annoyance of mankind. Luckily enough, I've decided to mentally lable these annoying habits and faults as individual quirks, and as such I embrace them. I think that's what really separates a happy and unhappy person. That, and/or blissful ignorance.

I'm going to start a new saying: "covering all acids." It's some sort of Chemistry humor I think, stemming from "covering all bases." Lame? Yes. Catchy? Of course.

People that chew Juicy Fruit on a regular basis are weird. I mean, the initial flavor is PRETTY good I guess, but really it lasts for a total of 37 seconds after which it becomes absolutely disgusting. I briefly tried becoming a Juicy Fruit guy since I figure it'd at least separate me from the rest of the pact, but after only 3 sticks I realized it wasn't worth it. It was like some sort of punishment. Like Dark Chocolate.

I am debating between Garden Vegetable Rice and Frozen Pizza for my 4:30 PM lupper. Fear not my friends, I'll of course unfreeze the pizza before consuming it. I'd like to think it's common sense, but for those of you with the fault... er, quirk... or being a fucking imbecile, I just figured I'd cover all acids. It'll catch on, you'll see.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 03:41:11 GMT

That was a pretty good Top 10 Controversial Things list, huh? Glad you all enjoyed it.

Look, if they're not going to cancel Valentine's Day altogether they could at least push it back a week. Notice how prices for everything valentines related goes down AFTER February 14th?!

This week kicks off what should be a solid four week marathon of awesome. St. Jude's Trivia thing, Vacation, Junior Prizzle, Spirit Week! Also included during those four weeks is no more of those lame auditions on Idol, surely at least one Snow Day, the last Mathletes, and the rest of February sweeps for those of us in Primetime Television obsession land. And most importantly, I'll listen to Baby Got Back no less than 100 times, mark my words.

"See this? N.Y.P.D.! Know what it stands for? I will knock your puunkass down!"- Will Smith, Men in Black